miss him

i guess i am really miss him so much after i back from the KL trip. I'm not sure what is my feeling towards him, only feel that he is the one who i feel comfortable to hang around with. Too much of the issues causes us can't get together, been missed the old days when we getting together as a couple. The kisses and hugs make me feel hard to let go. sometimes i just wonder by myself is it the reasons why i missed him so much?? is it the reason? or still there is other reason i missed him so much? Ever since the day we broke up i thought our love was already ended, as in we had a big argument before we ended it.

Dentist Vs Me

I hate to visit dentist since i was a kid especially those who work for government because i find they are very rough when they deal with their patient. I do have a bad experience before and it's like a nightmare for me. Hence, I've promise myself never ever go to government dentist again. However, i decided to go back to dentist yesterday due to i din go for dental check up for nearly 7 years plus.

I was very nervous when i reached the clinic and totally freaked out when saw those equipments inside the room. The dentist told me that i'm having a dental issue which called Gingivitis and need to remove all the plaque ASAP. This is due to the infection will gradually destroy the underlying bone, causing the teeth to loosen and fall out. Gosh, i don't want to have all my teeth to fall out by the age of 35!! No matter how pain it is, i'm going to take it!! LOL

The process of cleaning and removal of plaque was quite bad and remind me of my last cleaning process in secondary schoold. After the clean up process, the doctor had given me some antibiotics as well as a special mouthwash to fight the infection. Guess the superb bad news would be i need to go back there for my second clean up process. Sigh sigh... I hate it !!

Sad

Usually i don't like to argue, but today is just too much for me! I tried to fight back coz i can't take it anymore. All the words are very hurtful and make me feel very sad :( I keep on telling myself no matter how bad the arguement is i need to hold down my tears. But, cant make it at last. Sometimes i just wonder does God really listen to my praying? as i've pray so hard everyday. Another sad day to go....... @_@

陌生

说真的好怕这种陌生感觉.
有可能我比较害怕分离, 因为分离足能让一对更本认识的人变的毫无关系.
从无话不谈演变成无话可说,从爱变成恨,从认识变成陌生人.
想要保持联络,又担心对方的想法及他那冷淡的态度.
有可能已习惯别人的疼爱,所以当有人对自己冷淡时,会觉得很不好受.
从小到大,从没试过被人大声呼喊过.最想不到的是自以为很疼爱自己的某人竟然会这样对待自己.
根本与这一颗心是很靠近的,不知怎地变得深不可测,完全陌生及已不能再透彻那颗心了.
想起真的是有些心疼,为什么会变成这样?
以前的我会转牛角尖,想要知道答案.
可是现在的我已不会再追求答案,就算知到了答案又怎样? 已定为事实了,为何又要再自我伤害呢?
也许已经看透一切吧!答案已不重要, 最重要的是我已学会放下, 往前看了!

Misunderstanding

We have lots of misunderstanding gone through us. Sometimes, I'll have the funny thinking and there are lots of "what if" in my mind... What if i open up myself, what if he can be more patience to me, what if..... Well, i hope i can turn back time and also hope he can read my blog, at least he knows the real me and not the one he is thinking at. Nothing much can be done now as there are so much things to explain and i don't have the privilege to deal with it. Hopefully, times will prove who i am and clear up those misunderstanding. Just wonder when will it come?

New Hair Style

My mum, sisters and i like to get our hair done when come to chinese new year. It's like a tradition for Lee's family. We never and ever missed it! Well, quite satisfy with the new hair style. It is nothing special as i had permed it last year, the only thing different is i've coloured it into light brown. This is due to i had coloured dark brown for the past two years, would like to try out something different this year.

Princess ChErRy

She is the cutest baby i ever know, the one who i would like to spend more time with - Princess Cherry.

The most recent pix - Princess Cherry.

These pix taken when she is only about 1 year plus.

These pix taken when she just about 8 or 9 months old.

(some of my friends said she looks like little jack jack)

Resolutions in 2009

There are so much of things i need to do in 2009:

1. Improve my communication skills and language (thanks for someone who had doubted me).
2. Find a job (It is a must to make me feel more confident because someone had reminded me on how useless i was in year 2008).
3. Save money for HK Trip (it is a promise between me and my mum).
4. Read more books, mags or newspaper (just to broaden my view and knowledge).
5. Spend more time and talk more with my family (although i am staying together with my family, but i dont really share alot about my feeling with them).

Well, those are the five main things i need to improve in year 2009. Hopefully, everything will going to be fine in year 2009 :)

Goodbye 2008, hello 2009

Time flies so fast until i can't even realize it. There are so much of things happened in year 2008, it had became the most memorable year for me especially the 3 months before year 2009. Well, nothing much i can do now as it already past, a past which i cant do anything to fix it.
All i have to do now is move on and do something great in year 2009. No one will going to find out what's happen next in future, so we should just appreciate what we have now, take year 2008 as a lesson and try to make our life in year 2009 more content.

Boring Sunday

I am having a late night sleep yesterday, planning to have a late wake up today. But, my mum want me to get up early cause today is family day! Well, i think i would need to ignore her wills. I am so damn sleepy and not really into any moods. This is due to i am having menses pain. It been torture me like hell few days ago, getting me into bad mood, bad temper and bla bla bla.
What a boring sunday to me, kind of lonely and bit lost. Just the feeling of myself..... Another day to go, life huh?!

It is all about LOVE

Been trying to act like a spoilt young adult recently, maybe it is due to the unsolve problems that bothering me alot! Well, thank godness that i having my family with me. They try to deal it patiently and being understandable on why i m acting that way, especially my mum. She didn't blame me for coming out the decision and also not try to burden my stress. She been so understanding and supportive. I m so touch and happy to have her around!

I m been taking good care, pampered and showering with loves ever since i born. They always be there for me and fulfill whatever and everything i have asked for. One thing which make me feel touch and warm was they keep on telling me how precious i am for them, and how grateful they are to have me coming back home. I m not the type who easily have my tears down especially in public. Hence, I was trying to act nothing when they telling me this. Actually,i already cry out loudly inside my heart. Well, I m so lucky to have them and cant even find the best!

Love expression is rarely happen in chinese community, but we did practice it ever since my father passed away. We learn how to express, appreciate and care about each other. well, it is all about love in life. What is the most important thing for me? i would definitely say is my family, because they are the one who making up my past, present and future! I can lose everything but not them!

Today's feeling

The most Hurt feeling is when you have to let go the things you really like.
The most Happy thing is when you get something you really like.
The most Miserable feeling is when you lost in your direction.
The most Sadness thing is something you dont wish to happen had happened.
The most Exciting is when someone give you a suprise.
My feeling was all blended into one - Sad, Happy, Hurt, Miserable and Exciting.
I feel hurt because i know i need to let go something that not really belong to me.
I feel happy because i m been given a chance.
I feel miserable because feel quite lost in my future.
I feel sad because things that happened few weeks ago were out of my expectation.
I feel exciting because waiting for suprise on my BIG day.
GOSH, i can have 5 different feelings just between 24 hours.... Really typical Lady huh?!
Feel like crying cause reminding of someone...
Well, life move on.... Cheers! You can make it, Janelle!

Steamboat + Farewell Dinner

Liza been suggested go for a steamboat dinner few days ago. It was sort of renuion + farewell dinner. Thanks them for organizing the steamboat dinner specially for me and liza. The funniest part was we went home separately cause we didn't invited our Manager around. I think Ms Felix will be curious why everyone was knocked off exactly on 7pm. Hahahaha...... This is the first time we having dinner together as a big gang. But sadly, there are some of them cannot make it.

Obviously, steamboat is not my favorite and yet still enjoy it. We heading to dessert shop to continue our chit-chatting till around 10 plus. Quite a tiring day for me (didn't really have a good rest since back from Malacca)! I need a good rest tonight, can't make it to any appointment. But, Yvonne just suggested go for clubbing this weekend. Well, another happening weekend to go! Tire, feel like going home now! I am damn envy Ms Gwen cause she is "Snaking" now! Still have 1 hour and 15 minutes to go.... sigh sigh

Busy Weekend

It is been a busy weekend. Been hang around with friends start from Fri till today! Maybe I've done too much of walking, making my leg's muscle getting pain again! Gosh, i think i need to stop wearing high heels start from tomorrow!

Din really have enough sleep and rest for this weekend. But, i was quite happy with that as i did spent a lot of time with my friends. Quite a good memory for me! Well, Great Singapore Sales was started. By right, i should be superb duper happy as it is a great time for me to shop around. But now, I need to do some budgeting, can't overspend. Well, i believe my life should not just ended in that way. There is still some hopes around me (i mean job opportunity).

Basically, my whole Saturday's hang out was just bowling and do some shopping on Lang Tengah Trip. We been doing some research on our swimsuit from one shop to another. Finally, we manage to get our swimsuit! At first, i was keep on telling Gwen that i only want Tankini but end up i had bought a bikini too and it is white in colour! It was so not me! Well, things change, so do ME! Did i said i m doing some budgeting just now?? Ops.. I bought something again! Our Gal's hang out ended around 9 plus at night.

I wake up early on Sun morning and went to Tampines with my Godma. The room that we going to rent was quite nice, it makes me feel like being home! Was praying hard that i can move in soooon! Well, feeling great as just settle one of my problems! Now i need to focus on my job hunting! was hoping everything going to be alright!

After that, was rushing home to do some errands and headed to Central Shopping to meet up with Michelle and Gwen. They been late again, make me wait for another 30 minutes. Sigh Sigh.... Whatever it is, really having a great time with them (we are just gossiping on both client and my company's stuff! Gals huh?).

Me was rushing back straight away after the lunch as i was so damn sleepy and tire! Penny, still remember what i said when i m lazy or getting tire?? *I WISH I HAVE A MAGIC BUTTON* i think you should know what i m going to say in the next sentence! Hehehehehe....

It is 11.25pm, i need to CIAO! need to zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz .... MONDAY BLUE again, i was so damn sick jor!!

32 Days to go...

32 more Days to go... Gosh, time flies huh! Can't believe i had spent a year at here. I am running out of idea on how i get through it. Still remember the first few weeks at LH.M, it is really like a disaster for me! Pick up everything by myself, it is hard but i still work hard on it. I have no choice coz been signing one year contract with the company, i cant do anything but to learn whatever i can.

Colleagues are nice, at least we don't have any office politic. I m damn lucky to have them around! If you ask me what make me feel hard to let go (in LH.M), i would say is them! But, life move on. i need to go for better prospect due to strategy career move on.

Can't wait for my last day! Even though haven't get any job, but still looking for it. As i m going to LANG TENGAH sooooonn! Yahooooo...... and before my last day, i m going to Cameran Highland with my family.

Trying to fill up my left over time in singapore, hence, was planing some gals activities start from last month. We been went to ZOooo, Clubbing, bowling (this weekend activity), meet up with other friends and bla bla bla. Well, this weekend will going to be another busy week for me. Really looking forward to it!

P.S. Gwen Pan, please gear up yourself!! We will going to have a friendship race this week!

Admin people was trying to talk to me today, it is regarding my resignation. At first, i was ok with the conversation. But, when she informed me that she need to hold back my pay. I was starting to get crazy. What on earth they think they are?? I understand this is some sort of rule and regulations at here, but can't they just hold my June's salary instead of May?? I got nothing to say but why?? OK, Fine. I try to think positively, at least don't be too negative with it.


Then, she bringing the conversation to the extension of my Employment Pass. She sound this when she talking about that,"Hmm, we might NEED to EXTEND your employment pass for one or two months, need to depend on WY (another bitch). If she needs you to stay, we might extend your pass." I really pissed when listen to that, but i make myself calm and smile back politely. Just answer her," Well, we will see how it goes!"


GOSH, my feeling was jumping up and down! How can they be like that? They don't even ask about my opinion whether to extend or not?? Really dislike when people making decision for me and especially it is without my conscent. Well, they can extend any day they like to but they can't force me to STAY!

NEvermind, I am still left one month plus to go. So, just given a piece of advise at here. Please try not to being nasty with me especially during this few weeks, I din voice out anything all this while doesnt mean i m weak or useless. Just don't like to make things bad, that's all...

Am taking own risk!

Manage to tender at last! was damn damn release! Me also don't know why have such feeling, mayb i don't really like this current job. On the other way, feel bit too risky by taking this action. By right i should't tender it, should find a job first even i have it in my mind. But, i really cant take it anymore! Feel like going to be crazy.

I really running out of idea on how to deal with that. Usually when come to this situation, i will tend talk to HIM. But seem likes, HE dun even have time to listen at all. Well, am already get used to it. Din inform much people about my resignation, only few that really close to me. No point of sharing it as they will think how childish i am to come out such desicion.

Ya, right! i shouldn't did that but i already DID. So, the only way out is to start looking for JOBS! May god bless me though!! Dear Birdie Browie, can you listen to my wish?? Can you fly over and looks the best for me? SigH Sigh *%#$@#&

Let's bygone be bygone!

Get to know some news last few days, was hoping it was not going to be real. Few questions go around me. What if this really come true? HOw am i suppose to deal with it? How am i move on? Am i ready to let go if it become real? Can i accept it as a fact?? There are many "Wat If" in my mind. I really running out of idea on how to cope with it, as been putting lots of effort in it. Really Don't wish to end it just like that! Learn something today, Let's bygone be bygone! I need to take the first step bravely before i move on to my life again. Yea, i really cant do anything if it is become true. I really cant do much! All the best to me and HIM!

dreaming of him

i was having a sweet dream today, he is back to my dream again. The one has been left for about 10 years plus. But, i can't see him clearly this time round. Just can feel the happiness during the dream, the happiness which i missed so much. Should i say i miss him alot or?? what my life will be if he still around this world? Sad, Scare or happy or....? Well, no one will going to find out. Whatever it is, i did love him once..

Finally, i get to know the answer!!

Manage to read his blog today and some comments of the blogs as well. He was writing about an article about some sort of appreciation. At first, i din feel anything on it till read the comments below. in the comment, it is something on how he feels on his past relationships. i was quite sad after reading it as "he" feel bore with his ex gf and tend to let go coz dont have any feeling on her?? just wonder why he rather share his piece of mind with his so call colleague and dont even try to talk with me before he came out any decision. i really speechless when read it, really have nothing to say. seem like he is having a great life even without me around, i think it is really a good time for me to let go!! at last, i know what is the answer!! and it really make me feel sad. may god bless him manage to get someone he really know how to appreciate with. it is just a sad thing that i cant be the one who he really can appreciate on.