没有心的日子...

这几天过着没有心的生活, 想不到他对我的影响还是这么大. 我的心真的好疼, 好疼.....
吃着没有味道的食物, 听着没有感情的歌, 因为我已经不知道我的心飞去了那里.....
好想把它找回来, 可是却找不回来.....
我该怎么做??? 才能回到以前的生活, 才能完完全全地忘了他???

What i Feel

HL confirmed he will going to pay a visit for me next week. I was super duper happy when i know that but also feel a bit uncertainty. I really don't have any idea what he up to this time. Making me very sad for my last year birthday and now come all the way from Genting to Singapore just to celebrate birthday with me this year. Well, will not think so much this time because it make me tire. We had hang out with each other for nearly 3 and half years, we break up , get back together and break up again. It make me feel unsecured, as i can't held him beside me and don't know when he will leave me again, feel like he not even belong to me। Sigh SiGh....

HOwever, he really make me feel touch recently। When he told me he miss me because i m the gal who always delight his life, concern him alot and make him feel touch all the time, i feel warm coz he din tell me all this thing before. The second thing he make me feel happy is when he msg me he will fight for everything juz to come over singapore and celebrate birthday with me. Nearly cry....(He didnt did anything like this before, dunno since when he become so romantic!!).

The feeling is like falling in love again..But, i still feel very scare and unsecure..

Sharing Life

Penny pop up to me yesterday and told me that she feel so lost.Well, me too actually. JUst dunno how to overcome this feeling sometime. We feel lost because we cant find someone who can share everything with us. I mean struggle for 24 years and yet still cant find the one who really belong to us, that really pity man!! When we ready to share everything with the person, doesnt mean they are ready to share with us as well. Is it mean he is not the right one we looking for? My manager suddenly ask me a question today. He ask:" when you wanna change your title from Ms Janelle to Mrs Janelle?" It is long way to go for me. I dun even think of Marriage because i m still cant find the right one to share everything. Mayb i need to be alone for the rest of my life and mayb not. Who know what happen in future?!

Disapointed

i been calling HL last night, was hoping to share some of my feeling with him.. i also dunno why i will go back to him everytime when i face problems. I will feel more release and know what to do on my next step after talk to him. Well, like usual, i was calling him when i feel upset. Tot can be better after calling him but who know it make me getting more worst. (In a bad mood for whole night till today) When i call, he just said like this :"i m busy now." then, hang up the phone. I was a bit disapointed that time. Yet, i reassure myself that he will give me some feedback or something after the call. he din send me any msg, which was what he did normally. I feel very very upset because i thought we are having some connection. I think i must be thinking so much for all this while. He had promised me that will try to come over singapore during my birthday. I was very happy when he told me so. Be frank, he is the one i wish he can make it for my birthday. However, after yesterday, i think i will not put so much of hope anymore. Feel disapointed again!!

Emotional

I only realized i m emotional type after attending the seond interview yesterday. It is kind of shock as i seldom act that way. Well, i have no idea what drive me act that way. Juz feel hard on certain decision.. HOping i was making a right decision after all. It is not easy to get such oppporturnity, so i must grab and appreciate it. I know it deeply that I will lose something if i grab this opporturnity. Think positively!! this is what i keep on persuade myself. I want better life and something extraordinary!! I believe i can do it well and more than that. Thanks God for granted me all this!! This is what i ask and dream for all this while..

Knitting

Recently, i had came out an idea just to cheer someone .I was thinking to knit a sweater (Nothing much, juz want to show some caring). When come to knitting, i was totally out of idea as i don't even know how to sew. (How can I knit a sweater?) Well, i had done some research before i start knitting. It is kind of hard, but i still insist to do it because i do it for someone that i really care! However, i did change my idea at last (dont wan to knit) as i dunno it is worth for me to do all this kniting stuff?

Lost

Lost, this is the feeling i dislike the most. I bet nobody will like it at all. I feel lost in everything, totally lost.. not only in relationship, but working, life and bla bla bla..Dunno what is the purpose of working so hard?! Well, my friend told me this is normal, we will been through it sometime..Just dun like this feeling much... But, there is nothing i can do....SobSOB...

Prinsip

This is first time i buy 4D. I also suprise why i did that because it is out of my prinsip. I have no choice because invite by my colleauges somemore it is only cost my $2. Well, it din take me much so i juz break my prinsip and give on. But, this doesnt mean i encourage gambling, I still very firm with my prinsip!!

Talking about prinsip....Hmm..i do have some prinsip in my life and very firm with that too..But only apply in certain area. Well, it is good to have prinsip, can help us to restrict on what we doing. So that we will not go over it.

But, too firm with the prinsip also not a good thing sometime. U will not listen to others coz too firm with those prinsip. Here u are, PR skill need to be apply in this situation. Sometime, when u really dun like the things and it break your prinsip, do not have to straight away voice it out. Juz play some tactic by spinning a bit, U will get the outcome u want. Isnt it easy, huh?!

To Change or not to Change?!

Receive a phone call today, make me feel confuse... The phrase of "To change or not to change" keep on whispering at my heart. haiz, i dun like to make decision sometime cause it is very hard for me to choose. I will prefer others to choose for me, i will not have to think then. I like to take for granted (let other to pick the decision for me) when come to decision making as i dun wan the decision i make will end up hurting someone.

The GM of advertising company call me today, offer me an account executive post (which i dream a lot). I suppose i should be happy when receive the call, but i m not!! I keep on nagging in front my friends that i wanna change my recent jobs, but i feel bad when i really have the chance to change my job. WOmen do change all the time!! When they say so doesnt mean they really want to.

I feel sorry if i leave the recent job as i cant even come out a good reason to leave the company (SighSIGH....) This is because they treat me so good and i do not think i will find others like them in new company. Thanks god for treating me so nice by letting me work at this company. At least, i dun have to face some office politics like my friends does. I have no worry or tense when working there. (it is means this job is suiting me??)

But, on the othe hand, this position does not satisfy me at all (i mean the job scope). I admit i m the ambitious type of people (i m not look like, dun I?) I m not easily satisfy with what i have, i want beyond than that. If i m the easy satisfy people, things will be different then. At least, I dun have to bother so much as long as i having a good paid job, good husband and bla bla bla...All will be happy ending!! I dont have to torture myself by coming to sg and want sometime different.

Haiz... Which way should i go then?? leave the company and go for other jobs in order to satisfy me?! or just stay and choose to become simple n normal??? NO More Outstanding....Can someone choose for me huh?? Anyone?

Lucky or Not?!

When group together with my friends, they always complaining about their jobs and bla bla bla...i do complaint my job but not as what they complaining. I complaint my job because it is too free and bore (First time people complaint their work in such way?!) SIgh Sigh.. Well, i think i am the luckiest among my friends. This is due to my colleagues are very nice to me, and i m having an understandable manager and Director.(For the movement only, cant confirm in future..hehe) HL said i m very "xin fu" because they are so nice to me and take care me as well. For me, I think i m still ok with it but pray that don't be so free will do.(I dun want to be so BORE!!!) Feel like i m a married rich "tai tai", come in to work but do not have anything to do, just sit there and get a good salary..Haiz, this is not what i prefer after all. Sound like i m very useless!!! Sigh siGh...

Sick!!

Getting sick after came back from KL, never recover for about one week plus.. Lazy to consult doctor and thought it is just a small case, but who know it getting worst!!

Suddenly miss my mum so much.... how good it is if she is beside me because she know what i want when i sick.

Still remember vividly when i was small, i like to cry when i sick. Nothing much, just want to gain my Mum's attention.

When come to Uni time, i still cry when i sick...when she call me to ask about my situation, i will even cry harder.. SOb Sob..I also dunno why i cry more harder?! Probably i am " anak bongsu" at home..

HOwever, when come to singapore, i did change a lot. I never cry when i m sick n never let her know becoz i dun wan her to worry on me!! (Gosh!! Feel like more independent than last time)

KL trip

Going down to kl last fri to meet with my dearest friends- Penny, Grace and Wen Wen. The trip was great becoz it was planned by Lovely Ex Roomate cum Coursemate cum BEst Friend- Penny!!! (Thanks for it...).

On the First day in kl, we headed to Klang for "BAK KUT TEH" (YUmmy YuMMy!!). Although it was not my favor, but i did enjoyed so much as i could hanging around with my GaLs. After that, we headed to Wine Bar which located at Damansara Height (Actually, not really remember the location....). We do enjoy the place coz it is a nice place to chit chatting and drinking as well. (Gosh !! my drinking skill have improve!!)

So sad coz WenWen cannot make it at that nite, i m sure it will be more fun to have her around. Only manage to meet with her on the next day, we meet up for Dim SUM and some drinks at the YIPPE (OUr very own drinking place last time.). THen, i headed back to SIngapore after the meeting... SIGh SIgh..... I wish i have more time to spend with my friend!! MISS THem A Lot!!

Old Pics.........

Those are the pictures i like the most, i cant even get them out of my sight when i first saw them They seem so lovely and the most important thing is "I LOOK GOOD", kind of amuse myself....Hahahaah BUt now... those are just few pieces of old pics.. i treasure them alot last time, even bring it with me everytime i was going out..Silly ME ..this will not be happen anymore, not now, not in the future.. Feel hurt when look at those pics, but i cant do anything.. I believe that when i stop looking back at those pics, means i prepare to let go everything. I really make it at last, no more glancing at the pic like idiot.. NO more Bring them out anymore.. I m glad with myself as i really make it at the end. is it a good thing for me??

New Life in Singapore

It is totally a new life for me in here as i have to start everything all over again..
i dunno why i making such decision .it is totally not my way!! GoSH.....
Maybe this is a good way for me to stay away something..
I wish i make a wise decision...