What i Feel

HL confirmed he will going to pay a visit for me next week. I was super duper happy when i know that but also feel a bit uncertainty. I really don't have any idea what he up to this time. Making me very sad for my last year birthday and now come all the way from Genting to Singapore just to celebrate birthday with me this year. Well, will not think so much this time because it make me tire. We had hang out with each other for nearly 3 and half years, we break up , get back together and break up again. It make me feel unsecured, as i can't held him beside me and don't know when he will leave me again, feel like he not even belong to me। Sigh SiGh....

HOwever, he really make me feel touch recently। When he told me he miss me because i m the gal who always delight his life, concern him alot and make him feel touch all the time, i feel warm coz he din tell me all this thing before. The second thing he make me feel happy is when he msg me he will fight for everything juz to come over singapore and celebrate birthday with me. Nearly cry....(He didnt did anything like this before, dunno since when he become so romantic!!).

The feeling is like falling in love again..But, i still feel very scare and unsecure..

Sharing Life

Penny pop up to me yesterday and told me that she feel so lost.Well, me too actually. JUst dunno how to overcome this feeling sometime. We feel lost because we cant find someone who can share everything with us. I mean struggle for 24 years and yet still cant find the one who really belong to us, that really pity man!! When we ready to share everything with the person, doesnt mean they are ready to share with us as well. Is it mean he is not the right one we looking for? My manager suddenly ask me a question today. He ask:" when you wanna change your title from Ms Janelle to Mrs Janelle?" It is long way to go for me. I dun even think of Marriage because i m still cant find the right one to share everything. Mayb i need to be alone for the rest of my life and mayb not. Who know what happen in future?!

Disapointed

i been calling HL last night, was hoping to share some of my feeling with him.. i also dunno why i will go back to him everytime when i face problems. I will feel more release and know what to do on my next step after talk to him. Well, like usual, i was calling him when i feel upset. Tot can be better after calling him but who know it make me getting more worst. (In a bad mood for whole night till today) When i call, he just said like this :"i m busy now." then, hang up the phone. I was a bit disapointed that time. Yet, i reassure myself that he will give me some feedback or something after the call. he din send me any msg, which was what he did normally. I feel very very upset because i thought we are having some connection. I think i must be thinking so much for all this while. He had promised me that will try to come over singapore during my birthday. I was very happy when he told me so. Be frank, he is the one i wish he can make it for my birthday. However, after yesterday, i think i will not put so much of hope anymore. Feel disapointed again!!

Emotional

I only realized i m emotional type after attending the seond interview yesterday. It is kind of shock as i seldom act that way. Well, i have no idea what drive me act that way. Juz feel hard on certain decision.. HOping i was making a right decision after all. It is not easy to get such oppporturnity, so i must grab and appreciate it. I know it deeply that I will lose something if i grab this opporturnity. Think positively!! this is what i keep on persuade myself. I want better life and something extraordinary!! I believe i can do it well and more than that. Thanks God for granted me all this!! This is what i ask and dream for all this while..