Today's feeling

The most Hurt feeling is when you have to let go the things you really like.
The most Happy thing is when you get something you really like.
The most Miserable feeling is when you lost in your direction.
The most Sadness thing is something you dont wish to happen had happened.
The most Exciting is when someone give you a suprise.
My feeling was all blended into one - Sad, Happy, Hurt, Miserable and Exciting.
I feel hurt because i know i need to let go something that not really belong to me.
I feel happy because i m been given a chance.
I feel miserable because feel quite lost in my future.
I feel sad because things that happened few weeks ago were out of my expectation.
I feel exciting because waiting for suprise on my BIG day.
GOSH, i can have 5 different feelings just between 24 hours.... Really typical Lady huh?!
Feel like crying cause reminding of someone...
Well, life move on.... Cheers! You can make it, Janelle!

Steamboat + Farewell Dinner

Liza been suggested go for a steamboat dinner few days ago. It was sort of renuion + farewell dinner. Thanks them for organizing the steamboat dinner specially for me and liza. The funniest part was we went home separately cause we didn't invited our Manager around. I think Ms Felix will be curious why everyone was knocked off exactly on 7pm. Hahahaha...... This is the first time we having dinner together as a big gang. But sadly, there are some of them cannot make it.

Obviously, steamboat is not my favorite and yet still enjoy it. We heading to dessert shop to continue our chit-chatting till around 10 plus. Quite a tiring day for me (didn't really have a good rest since back from Malacca)! I need a good rest tonight, can't make it to any appointment. But, Yvonne just suggested go for clubbing this weekend. Well, another happening weekend to go! Tire, feel like going home now! I am damn envy Ms Gwen cause she is "Snaking" now! Still have 1 hour and 15 minutes to go.... sigh sigh

Busy Weekend

It is been a busy weekend. Been hang around with friends start from Fri till today! Maybe I've done too much of walking, making my leg's muscle getting pain again! Gosh, i think i need to stop wearing high heels start from tomorrow!

Din really have enough sleep and rest for this weekend. But, i was quite happy with that as i did spent a lot of time with my friends. Quite a good memory for me! Well, Great Singapore Sales was started. By right, i should be superb duper happy as it is a great time for me to shop around. But now, I need to do some budgeting, can't overspend. Well, i believe my life should not just ended in that way. There is still some hopes around me (i mean job opportunity).

Basically, my whole Saturday's hang out was just bowling and do some shopping on Lang Tengah Trip. We been doing some research on our swimsuit from one shop to another. Finally, we manage to get our swimsuit! At first, i was keep on telling Gwen that i only want Tankini but end up i had bought a bikini too and it is white in colour! It was so not me! Well, things change, so do ME! Did i said i m doing some budgeting just now?? Ops.. I bought something again! Our Gal's hang out ended around 9 plus at night.

I wake up early on Sun morning and went to Tampines with my Godma. The room that we going to rent was quite nice, it makes me feel like being home! Was praying hard that i can move in soooon! Well, feeling great as just settle one of my problems! Now i need to focus on my job hunting! was hoping everything going to be alright!

After that, was rushing home to do some errands and headed to Central Shopping to meet up with Michelle and Gwen. They been late again, make me wait for another 30 minutes. Sigh Sigh.... Whatever it is, really having a great time with them (we are just gossiping on both client and my company's stuff! Gals huh?).

Me was rushing back straight away after the lunch as i was so damn sleepy and tire! Penny, still remember what i said when i m lazy or getting tire?? *I WISH I HAVE A MAGIC BUTTON* i think you should know what i m going to say in the next sentence! Hehehehehe....

It is 11.25pm, i need to CIAO! need to zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz .... MONDAY BLUE again, i was so damn sick jor!!

32 Days to go...

32 more Days to go... Gosh, time flies huh! Can't believe i had spent a year at here. I am running out of idea on how i get through it. Still remember the first few weeks at LH.M, it is really like a disaster for me! Pick up everything by myself, it is hard but i still work hard on it. I have no choice coz been signing one year contract with the company, i cant do anything but to learn whatever i can.

Colleagues are nice, at least we don't have any office politic. I m damn lucky to have them around! If you ask me what make me feel hard to let go (in LH.M), i would say is them! But, life move on. i need to go for better prospect due to strategy career move on.

Can't wait for my last day! Even though haven't get any job, but still looking for it. As i m going to LANG TENGAH sooooonn! Yahooooo...... and before my last day, i m going to Cameran Highland with my family.

Trying to fill up my left over time in singapore, hence, was planing some gals activities start from last month. We been went to ZOooo, Clubbing, bowling (this weekend activity), meet up with other friends and bla bla bla. Well, this weekend will going to be another busy week for me. Really looking forward to it!

P.S. Gwen Pan, please gear up yourself!! We will going to have a friendship race this week!

Admin people was trying to talk to me today, it is regarding my resignation. At first, i was ok with the conversation. But, when she informed me that she need to hold back my pay. I was starting to get crazy. What on earth they think they are?? I understand this is some sort of rule and regulations at here, but can't they just hold my June's salary instead of May?? I got nothing to say but why?? OK, Fine. I try to think positively, at least don't be too negative with it.


Then, she bringing the conversation to the extension of my Employment Pass. She sound this when she talking about that,"Hmm, we might NEED to EXTEND your employment pass for one or two months, need to depend on WY (another bitch). If she needs you to stay, we might extend your pass." I really pissed when listen to that, but i make myself calm and smile back politely. Just answer her," Well, we will see how it goes!"


GOSH, my feeling was jumping up and down! How can they be like that? They don't even ask about my opinion whether to extend or not?? Really dislike when people making decision for me and especially it is without my conscent. Well, they can extend any day they like to but they can't force me to STAY!

NEvermind, I am still left one month plus to go. So, just given a piece of advise at here. Please try not to being nasty with me especially during this few weeks, I din voice out anything all this while doesnt mean i m weak or useless. Just don't like to make things bad, that's all...

Am taking own risk!

Manage to tender at last! was damn damn release! Me also don't know why have such feeling, mayb i don't really like this current job. On the other way, feel bit too risky by taking this action. By right i should't tender it, should find a job first even i have it in my mind. But, i really cant take it anymore! Feel like going to be crazy.

I really running out of idea on how to deal with that. Usually when come to this situation, i will tend talk to HIM. But seem likes, HE dun even have time to listen at all. Well, am already get used to it. Din inform much people about my resignation, only few that really close to me. No point of sharing it as they will think how childish i am to come out such desicion.

Ya, right! i shouldn't did that but i already DID. So, the only way out is to start looking for JOBS! May god bless me though!! Dear Birdie Browie, can you listen to my wish?? Can you fly over and looks the best for me? SigH Sigh *%#$@#&

Let's bygone be bygone!

Get to know some news last few days, was hoping it was not going to be real. Few questions go around me. What if this really come true? HOw am i suppose to deal with it? How am i move on? Am i ready to let go if it become real? Can i accept it as a fact?? There are many "Wat If" in my mind. I really running out of idea on how to cope with it, as been putting lots of effort in it. Really Don't wish to end it just like that! Learn something today, Let's bygone be bygone! I need to take the first step bravely before i move on to my life again. Yea, i really cant do anything if it is become true. I really cant do much! All the best to me and HIM!

dreaming of him

i was having a sweet dream today, he is back to my dream again. The one has been left for about 10 years plus. But, i can't see him clearly this time round. Just can feel the happiness during the dream, the happiness which i missed so much. Should i say i miss him alot or?? what my life will be if he still around this world? Sad, Scare or happy or....? Well, no one will going to find out. Whatever it is, i did love him once..

Finally, i get to know the answer!!

Manage to read his blog today and some comments of the blogs as well. He was writing about an article about some sort of appreciation. At first, i din feel anything on it till read the comments below. in the comment, it is something on how he feels on his past relationships. i was quite sad after reading it as "he" feel bore with his ex gf and tend to let go coz dont have any feeling on her?? just wonder why he rather share his piece of mind with his so call colleague and dont even try to talk with me before he came out any decision. i really speechless when read it, really have nothing to say. seem like he is having a great life even without me around, i think it is really a good time for me to let go!! at last, i know what is the answer!! and it really make me feel sad. may god bless him manage to get someone he really know how to appreciate with. it is just a sad thing that i cant be the one who he really can appreciate on.

i m bek!!

It was quite a long time for din update my blog.. well, i doing fine and nothing special, just another usual life to move on. Time flies, now already end of march. it was nearly 1 year plus staying in singapore. Sometime, feel bit bore staying at here as most of my friends and family are in malaysia. Really dunno what the point of staying at here... quite miss them alot!!

没有心的日子...

这几天过着没有心的生活, 想不到他对我的影响还是这么大. 我的心真的好疼, 好疼.....
吃着没有味道的食物, 听着没有感情的歌, 因为我已经不知道我的心飞去了那里.....
好想把它找回来, 可是却找不回来.....
我该怎么做??? 才能回到以前的生活, 才能完完全全地忘了他???

What i Feel

HL confirmed he will going to pay a visit for me next week. I was super duper happy when i know that but also feel a bit uncertainty. I really don't have any idea what he up to this time. Making me very sad for my last year birthday and now come all the way from Genting to Singapore just to celebrate birthday with me this year. Well, will not think so much this time because it make me tire. We had hang out with each other for nearly 3 and half years, we break up , get back together and break up again. It make me feel unsecured, as i can't held him beside me and don't know when he will leave me again, feel like he not even belong to me। Sigh SiGh....

HOwever, he really make me feel touch recently। When he told me he miss me because i m the gal who always delight his life, concern him alot and make him feel touch all the time, i feel warm coz he din tell me all this thing before. The second thing he make me feel happy is when he msg me he will fight for everything juz to come over singapore and celebrate birthday with me. Nearly cry....(He didnt did anything like this before, dunno since when he become so romantic!!).

The feeling is like falling in love again..But, i still feel very scare and unsecure..

Sharing Life

Penny pop up to me yesterday and told me that she feel so lost.Well, me too actually. JUst dunno how to overcome this feeling sometime. We feel lost because we cant find someone who can share everything with us. I mean struggle for 24 years and yet still cant find the one who really belong to us, that really pity man!! When we ready to share everything with the person, doesnt mean they are ready to share with us as well. Is it mean he is not the right one we looking for? My manager suddenly ask me a question today. He ask:" when you wanna change your title from Ms Janelle to Mrs Janelle?" It is long way to go for me. I dun even think of Marriage because i m still cant find the right one to share everything. Mayb i need to be alone for the rest of my life and mayb not. Who know what happen in future?!

Disapointed

i been calling HL last night, was hoping to share some of my feeling with him.. i also dunno why i will go back to him everytime when i face problems. I will feel more release and know what to do on my next step after talk to him. Well, like usual, i was calling him when i feel upset. Tot can be better after calling him but who know it make me getting more worst. (In a bad mood for whole night till today) When i call, he just said like this :"i m busy now." then, hang up the phone. I was a bit disapointed that time. Yet, i reassure myself that he will give me some feedback or something after the call. he din send me any msg, which was what he did normally. I feel very very upset because i thought we are having some connection. I think i must be thinking so much for all this while. He had promised me that will try to come over singapore during my birthday. I was very happy when he told me so. Be frank, he is the one i wish he can make it for my birthday. However, after yesterday, i think i will not put so much of hope anymore. Feel disapointed again!!

Emotional

I only realized i m emotional type after attending the seond interview yesterday. It is kind of shock as i seldom act that way. Well, i have no idea what drive me act that way. Juz feel hard on certain decision.. HOping i was making a right decision after all. It is not easy to get such oppporturnity, so i must grab and appreciate it. I know it deeply that I will lose something if i grab this opporturnity. Think positively!! this is what i keep on persuade myself. I want better life and something extraordinary!! I believe i can do it well and more than that. Thanks God for granted me all this!! This is what i ask and dream for all this while..

Knitting

Recently, i had came out an idea just to cheer someone .I was thinking to knit a sweater (Nothing much, juz want to show some caring). When come to knitting, i was totally out of idea as i don't even know how to sew. (How can I knit a sweater?) Well, i had done some research before i start knitting. It is kind of hard, but i still insist to do it because i do it for someone that i really care! However, i did change my idea at last (dont wan to knit) as i dunno it is worth for me to do all this kniting stuff?

Lost

Lost, this is the feeling i dislike the most. I bet nobody will like it at all. I feel lost in everything, totally lost.. not only in relationship, but working, life and bla bla bla..Dunno what is the purpose of working so hard?! Well, my friend told me this is normal, we will been through it sometime..Just dun like this feeling much... But, there is nothing i can do....SobSOB...

Prinsip

This is first time i buy 4D. I also suprise why i did that because it is out of my prinsip. I have no choice because invite by my colleauges somemore it is only cost my $2. Well, it din take me much so i juz break my prinsip and give on. But, this doesnt mean i encourage gambling, I still very firm with my prinsip!!

Talking about prinsip....Hmm..i do have some prinsip in my life and very firm with that too..But only apply in certain area. Well, it is good to have prinsip, can help us to restrict on what we doing. So that we will not go over it.

But, too firm with the prinsip also not a good thing sometime. U will not listen to others coz too firm with those prinsip. Here u are, PR skill need to be apply in this situation. Sometime, when u really dun like the things and it break your prinsip, do not have to straight away voice it out. Juz play some tactic by spinning a bit, U will get the outcome u want. Isnt it easy, huh?!

To Change or not to Change?!

Receive a phone call today, make me feel confuse... The phrase of "To change or not to change" keep on whispering at my heart. haiz, i dun like to make decision sometime cause it is very hard for me to choose. I will prefer others to choose for me, i will not have to think then. I like to take for granted (let other to pick the decision for me) when come to decision making as i dun wan the decision i make will end up hurting someone.

The GM of advertising company call me today, offer me an account executive post (which i dream a lot). I suppose i should be happy when receive the call, but i m not!! I keep on nagging in front my friends that i wanna change my recent jobs, but i feel bad when i really have the chance to change my job. WOmen do change all the time!! When they say so doesnt mean they really want to.

I feel sorry if i leave the recent job as i cant even come out a good reason to leave the company (SighSIGH....) This is because they treat me so good and i do not think i will find others like them in new company. Thanks god for treating me so nice by letting me work at this company. At least, i dun have to face some office politics like my friends does. I have no worry or tense when working there. (it is means this job is suiting me??)

But, on the othe hand, this position does not satisfy me at all (i mean the job scope). I admit i m the ambitious type of people (i m not look like, dun I?) I m not easily satisfy with what i have, i want beyond than that. If i m the easy satisfy people, things will be different then. At least, I dun have to bother so much as long as i having a good paid job, good husband and bla bla bla...All will be happy ending!! I dont have to torture myself by coming to sg and want sometime different.

Haiz... Which way should i go then?? leave the company and go for other jobs in order to satisfy me?! or just stay and choose to become simple n normal??? NO More Outstanding....Can someone choose for me huh?? Anyone?

Lucky or Not?!

When group together with my friends, they always complaining about their jobs and bla bla bla...i do complaint my job but not as what they complaining. I complaint my job because it is too free and bore (First time people complaint their work in such way?!) SIgh Sigh.. Well, i think i am the luckiest among my friends. This is due to my colleagues are very nice to me, and i m having an understandable manager and Director.(For the movement only, cant confirm in future..hehe) HL said i m very "xin fu" because they are so nice to me and take care me as well. For me, I think i m still ok with it but pray that don't be so free will do.(I dun want to be so BORE!!!) Feel like i m a married rich "tai tai", come in to work but do not have anything to do, just sit there and get a good salary..Haiz, this is not what i prefer after all. Sound like i m very useless!!! Sigh siGh...